Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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