O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
