hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
