12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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