Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
