I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
