All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
