I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
