we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
