I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
