do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
