we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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