i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
