You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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