i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was like eating out sand paper
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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