Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We are two peas in an std pod
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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