youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think my moral compass just broke
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