remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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