You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
