Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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