He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
