I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
