We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
