You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
