His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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