You're so nebulous sometimes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
