Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have demons in me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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