I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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