i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
