no, he came in my armpit
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
