I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Couch. On fire.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize