entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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