whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize