Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
