Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
