I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
