When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
