You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
