Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
