Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
