i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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