girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
