Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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