you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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