At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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