Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
