well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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