its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
