u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize