That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
