I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
