Just fell off a train. Bad.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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