Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
