coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
