I think my fart just growled at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
