Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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