Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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