If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
