mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
