he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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