you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize