call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
