Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
