He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
