Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
