i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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