You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
