Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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