so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
