Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
