When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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