he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
