ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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