I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
