so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
