a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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