Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
