Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
