That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
