you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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