i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
