i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
