life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
