I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
