Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please come you make the beer taste better
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
