he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
