He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
