either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
