if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize