I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
