i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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