the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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