yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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