six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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