At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize