All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
