Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
