went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
