It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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