you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
